Falling Down
by Twilight Zephyr
Summary: Roppi dies. Tsuki is devastated. drabble series ; kink meme fill ; Tsuki/Roppi
1. The Unending Bridge

**Title:** The Unending Bridge  
**Fandom:** Durarara!  
**Pairing:** Tsuki/Roppi  
**Prompt:** angst, death; Roppi dies. Tsuki is devastated.  
**Words:** 536 words  
**Disclaimer:** It's not mine. It all belongs to others who I am in no way associated with and I make nothing from writing this, got it?

**The Unending Bridge**

It feels a little like the floor has been jerked out from under him. It feels like he's falling and there's no end in sight. It feels like his voice is somewhere in his stomach.

He doesn't know what to do. He feels numb.

His feet feel like they are made of lead. He can't move. He just stares and stares and stares. There is something he should do, Tsuki knows that much, but he can't remember just what that is.

Everything is burned into his mind. He sees the flutter of the curtains in the open window. Tsuki can see a hand hanging off the side of the bed – limp. There is a some dribble of blood dripping off the fingers. It's a bright, brilliant red – the same colour as his eyes.

Those eyes are dull now. They stare up at the ceiling. They don't see anything anymore.

The way he's slumped on the bed looks uncomfortable. But it doesn't really matter anymore.

Tsuki isn't thinking. He just stands there. He stands there and stares. This will be the last memory of him he has.

His clothing is rumpled and torn. One of the sleeves has been completely torn off and lays on the floor. The bright red of its fringe looks a little out of place on the beige carpet. Roppi's legs are at odd angles and one arm is raised over his head and lying in a small puddle of drying blood.

There is blood splattered across the headboard and the duvet. Tsuki knows it will be difficult to wash out.

He counts the gunshot wounds. One to the shoulder. One to the head. Roppi must have struggled. The gun might have gone off more than once accidently.

Roppi has a strangely blank look on his face. It looks like it's torn between shock and fear. His eyes are wide and his lips are parted. Tsuki thinks that it looks a little like his expression when – he cuts that thought off.

Without warning, the gates are thrown open. Tsuki finds himself on his knees, hands planted on the ground to keep him from slamming his face into the ground. His vision blurs and fades in and out of focus. His entire body is trembling. He clenches his hands into fists.

The tears won't come.

He still feels numb. There is an avalanche of thousands of different, conflicting emotions inside of him, but none of them touch him. He feels like he's seeing them through a filter, as though there's something between him and them.

Psyche is the one who finds him. Tsugaru is the one who takes him away from the room. Delic is there and so is Hibiya. Then there are the police and the flashing lights and questions. There are many, many questions. Tsuki can't seem to find his voice. He's shaking violently and the world spins around him.

Tsugaru chases the police off. It's the first time Tsuki remembers him raising his voice. It's the first time he's seen Tsugaru angry.

He doesn't care. He just wants to forget. The images won't let him.

Everything is a blur. Nothing feels real.

He just wants to rest.

**FIN.**


	2. Passage

**Title:** Passage  
**Fandom:** Durarara!  
**Pairing:** Tsuki/Roppi ; Tsugaru/Psyche  
**Prompt:** angst, death; Roppi dies. Tsuki is devastated.  
**Words:** 281 words  
**Disclaimer:** It's not mine. It all belongs to others who I am in no way associated with and I make nothing from writing this, got it?

**Passage**

It takes weeks for things to settle down. In all of that time, the questions eventually stop. Tsuki didn't really notice that. He feels like he's floating in a haze. He doesn't really take notice of the passage of time. Everything just seems to blur together for him.

Waking up in the morning is difficult. It's a struggle for him to get out of bed. Tsuki feels like his entire body is sluggish and made of lead. It doesn't respond to his commands very well.

Tsugaru and Psyche are nice enough to let him stay with them. He doesn't ask any questions.

That hole in his chest is a gaping wound that will not close. But the pain hasn't quite come yet. He's still trying to process everything; trying to make sense of it all.

All of the thoughts echo within his head in a confused jumble of words and sounds. Why did this happen? _This isn't happening._ Why him? _It just can't be..._ Why then? _Please, I don't want to be alone...!_

_**Why.**_

Nothing about it will leave him alone. He feels numb inside. The shock hasn't worn off, Tsugaru says. Psyche acts like he's going to crumble to pieces at the slightest touch or word. Tsugaru tries to be supportive. But he doesn't know what to do or say. He's just there. An ever present pillar of calm and support.

Tsuki knows that they're all hurting. But he isn't ready to face it yet.

He needs time. Time that keeps slipping through his fingers no matter how he tries to grab hold of it.

He's a bomb that's waiting to go off.

It's just a matter of _when_.

**FIN.**


	3. Downhill Slopes

**Title:** Downhill Slopes  
**Fandom:** Durarara!  
**Pairing:** Tsuki/Roppi ; Tsugaru/Psyche  
**Prompt:** angst, death; Roppi dies. Tsuki is devastated.  
**Words:** 438 words  
**Disclaimer:** It's not mine. It all belongs to others who I am in no way associated with and I make nothing from writing this, got it?

**Downhill Slopes**

He wakes in the middle of the night, screaming and feeling as though he's going to be sick. There's an all too familiar burn of bile in the back of his throat as he sits up suddenly. His vision is blurry without his glasses. The walls start wavering, almost as though they're about to come crashing down on him. He's panicking and afraid and alone.

_Oh so alone. Why'd you have to leave?_

Tsugaru is the first one through the door. It cracks loudly against the wall and Tsuki jumps. He's afraid of his own shadow. But then Tsugaru is there and he's pulling him into his arms and holding him tightly and stroking his back in a comforting manner. His arms aren't the same – _no, never the same, why_ – but it works enough to calm Tsuki down to the point where he's no longer screaming.

Lurking in the door is Psyche, unsure of what to do or how to behave. He keeps his distance most days. They never know what might set Tsuki off. One moment he will be closed off and empty and the next he's throwing things and there are tears streaming down his face.

He's broken two pairs of glasses by falling down the stairs.

He doesn't care if it hurts him. He just wants the pain in his chest to go away. He wishes it would stop hurting so much.

But he's angry. He's angry and hurt and cursing everything for doing this to him.

_Roppi, why did you leave me alone?_

Nothing makes him feel better. If he isn't screaming and crying and yelling at everything, then he's just sitting there and staring at the wall for hours on end. He's gone over the edge and there is no way to tell when he'll pull himself out of it.

Tsugaru does what he can. He never says anything. He just comes and comforts Tsuki after every nightmare.

The weeks pass and Tsuki has shown no signs of improvement. Not really, anyway. The nightmares still happen – but they come a little less often. He's still angry and upset – but the explosions slowly become less and less violent.

He misses Roppi. Doesn't understand why he had to leave. He's angry that Roppi is gone. He's hurting so badly inside that it never seems like it will end. The pain boils and churns and overflows inside of him. His heart feels as though it has been torn in two and will never heal. The jagged edges of it remain as sharp as ever.

Tsuki doesn't want anyone's help.

No one can help him.

The only one who could is gone.

He hates him for it.

**FIN.**


	4. These August Nights

**Title:** These August Nights  
**Fandom:** Durarara!  
**Pairing:** Tsuki/Roppi ; Tsugaru/Psyche  
**Prompt:** angst, death; Roppi dies. Tsuki is devastated. [ original prompt here ]  
**Words:** 241 words  
**Disclaimer:** It's not mine. It all belongs to others who I am in no way associated with and I make nothing from writing this, got it?

**These August Nights**

As the months pass by, things... things slowly start improving. There's still an ache in his heart and he still sometimes wakes in the middle of the night in a cold sweat with a scream on his tongue, but those come less and less often.

The bed still feels empty but a little less so.

He can close his eyes and see him, smiling and beautiful and wonderful. Tsuki's heart still pains him when he thinks of him, but, at the very least, he doesn't just think of the blood and violence and cold loneliness.

The ice in his heart is melting and he's feeling a little bit more like himself. He spends his days writing and watching the seasons pass him by. Psyche and Tsugaru mostly leave him to himself, but they smile a little easier now.

There are still shadows in his eyes, but the red is starting to brighten up a little bit. He's talking again.

It isn't perfect. His heart is still torn up but it's slowly starting to heal and stitch itself back together. The pain is still there, Tsuki doesn't believe it will ever go away, but it's lessening with every day that passes. Slowly, life looks just a little bit brighter.

Maybe he's alone, but if he can smile then he feels that... that Roppi is still there with him.

It's all he has left. The memory of that smile. He wants to keep that memory with him. Always.

_I love you._

**FIN.**


	5. A Lullaby

**Notes:** Last part in the _Falling Down_ series.  
**Title:** A Lullaby  
**Fandom:** Durarara!  
**Pairing:** Tsuki/Roppi ; Tsugaru/Psyche  
**Prompt:** angst, death; Roppi dies. Tsuki is devastated.  
**Words:** 306 words

**A Lullaby**

It's a year before Tsuki visits the cemetery. He goes alone, in the early hours of the morning when there's still a grey mist clinging to everything. This was Roppi's favourite time of day.

There's still an ache in his chest, but it isn't so painful now. Tsuki has learned to live with it, has learned to smile despite the lingering pain that he still feels. It's a pain that he lives with, but he keeps going and keeps smiling because he needs to continue on.

The grief will never go away, not completely, but as the days and months and years tick by, it gets a little easier to live with. It's a little easier to breathe now than it was months ago.

_I miss you._

Sometimes he still wakes up in the night to a cold bed and it feels like his heart is shattering all over again, but the stitches hold. He doesn't completely fall to pieces again.

The flowers in his hands feel heavy. He tightens his grip on them and presses on, his lips set in a thin line.

Afterwards, he rides the train back. He keeps to himself and watches as the city speeds past him in a blur. The tears slip out without him noticing. His heart still aches, but it feels lighter than it has in weeks. He can keep going. He has to.

_I love you._

He still has all of these memories – good ones, happy ones, ones of the two of them laughing and smiling. Tsuki can still remember the first time that he saw Roppi smile and it brings a smile to his own face as he recalls the memory.

_Yes_, he thinks as he leaves the train, _I can do this_.

He can keep living. His stitched up heart is enough to keep him going. So long as he can remember that smile.

**FIN.**


End file.
